No dream haunts my afterlife. I awakened, am awake to
disappointment of consciousness, continuance of pain,
shame. What they who do not rise, who die properly,
experience may be worse, better, Hell or Paradise.
Words, metaphors and names for referents unknown
People move about on solid planes, firm expectations.
I take in the moment. Each moment is its own answer to
eternity’s “What now?” These days with Autumn give me
wider perspective, more textures in my weaving mind.
Precious moments hidden from ordinary view.
Free of history and common law, Autumn’s warrior princess
dream can grow and play.
“Look at me, Ellie. I am strong, fierce, indomitable, even in
my secret identity as illusive little girl. Besides, someday
I’ll be grown and strong and fierce. Meanwhile, you know,
the magic keeps getting more awesome. Pretty soon I’ll
have the power to bend their minds to mine. They’ll have
no idea. Well, they’ll have my ideas as to how to behave.
Not that I’ll be mean. With real power, why bother with petty
revenge, right? I’ll make them better. Mine will be a
benevolent reign. All hail Queen Autumn the magnificent,
And we can build a huge underground playroom where you
can have whatever amusements you choose for your days.
You’ll be my special royal knight and wizard inspiring glorious
legends and the people’s adoration. No one will touch us
unless we deem them worthy.
My mom can be dowager Queen, most noble and revered.
Kind, loving subjects will cater to her every whim. She can
remember how to be happy.
It’s not just a fantasy. I know the monarch thing is a metaphor.
I will figure it out, how to make them mine, how to win, to
create that power of will. I know you believe in me. Look how
special we already are, you and me, how improbable.
I never could have dreamed such an amazing friend. See,
incredible things happen, to me. Not just horrible, crippling
stuff no one would want to believe, but, you know, amazing
incredible. Like I am blessed by you. I know you think you
are a monster, but don’t you see – you are so much more
than that gargoyle vision you show yourself, thick with sin.
You’ll see. We have an amazing destiny to fulfill, my friend.
Stick with me, kid. This will be a wild and magical ride.”
She hugs me. She actually hugs me, with love, attraction,
attachment, attunement, affection. If I could dream, this
would be the best of dreams imaginable.